Healing the Narcissist: Overcoming accusation of Jezebel
One of the hardest things for someone to heal from is being called a Jezebel from someone that look up to or was in leadership. The damage it is can do is long term. I have been there. I know the feeling.
The problem is that many times that the ones calling you a narcissist is well, the narcissist. The pain is real and people really do hurt from the accusations. However, how does one heal from it? The truth is very slowly.
If there is someone with narcissistic tendencies or have been labeled a Jezebel, there is some things that are critical to start the process.
It is important to make it clear that you are just starting a long road to recovery from the curses spoken over you by toxic people. There is no expectation (outside of divine intervention) that you will be changed overnight. It took me almost 15 years to get past it.
Feeling love again!
One of the most important things that people around someone who has walked this road is to feel the love of people again. They need to know they are loved. They are important and those who are around them need to make sure they realize it. In most cases, narcissistic behavior is the fruit on a deep belief that was they do not deserve love.
This is where you deal with people at the heart level instead of the behavior issues. While many would love to point out the problems, the solution is always at the heart. Look for what is in their heart and operate with them from this position, not to it.
After all, it is changed hearts that change lives. They have a lot of judgement coming on them, internally and externally. The thing they need is not more of it but greater levels of compassion and love from people that can help them heal.
Accountability is critical
As people try and heal from the hurt and the pain, there will be times they want to lash out and react in the wounded state. This is why it is so critical to have accountability for them. It is not ok for hurt people to hurt people.
In some cases, this is within a relationship such as a marriage. In other cases, it might be through a group of friends that force the person to face some challenges that result from the accusations of Jezebel and their narcissistic tendencies.
This is where the people around them that are very close to them must be strong, confront them when needed and there be very real consequences of acting out from their hurt. Without this, it is very hard to hurt from the pain. It is just bottled up and put away.
Community is important too.
This is where I did not allow healing to happen. I was wounded by a pastor (Modern day Jezebel) and as a result, I developed a very strong distaste for being vulnerable to others in a groups of faith. In the end, I trusted no one but God and myself.
However, there was no one that really expected to be part of a community and they did not demand that I open my life and heart again to people. They just let me isolate to the degree that I become anti-social in many ways. This is very common among wounded people after the accusation of Jezebel.
Looking back, there was times I could of (and should of) be part of a local assembly and was not. I went to church and I left. I didn’t do anything but a little ministry here and there. Otherwise, I was off the grid, radar, and didn’t have much to say to people. This was wildly accepted as well.
Rubber mets the road!
Once these things are happening, healing will start and it will be the test of freedom. It will be, as I said, a long road but you are on the road going in the right direction.
Just enjoy the ride and heal.