One of the greatest challenges for anyone living abroad being missionary or traveler is when depression hits. As a Pentecostal, I know I am not suppose to let it affect me but guess what, it does from time to time. Being Pentecostal does not excuse us from the reality of being human.
It can be hard some days to wake up and read the things people say about you as a person. These are not general things about white men, Americans, or even Pentecostals. It is people calling you ugly thing by name. No matter how much you tell yourself that it is just a lack of empathy; it does effect you.
I have been here and I have down days where I question if what I am doing is worth the hatred by people who do not care about as a person, as a human being. This is why I try to build myself up in prayer before doing social media because I know some uncalled for comments is awaiting me. It is a daily duty to delete and block crude people.
Reminder from Bill Johnson
Several years ago, I found myself in Redding, California and I was meeting with Bill Johnson about something completely unrelated. However, the recent hate on the internet against me for being part of the “Lakeland revival” was weighting on me.
His words rocked me to the core and it made me take a completely different looks at those who was on their witch hunt,
When someone is bent to expose a person, they are revealing more about themselves than they are about the person they are trying to expose.
This simple truth was something that I have carried since that day when I feel depression coming on. The truth is most haters (all in my case) are showing their general lack of empathy for a diversity of thought more than anything else.
Lack of support system
One of the major problems is many do not have a group of people that they can open up and say, “I am not feeling good about…..” today. It is just doesn’t exist. It can’t be cast out as a devil, either. It is an emotional deal and there is no one we can talk to…. at least that we trust.
Much of our lives is coming and going in and out of people’s lives. As a friend likes to say, we gather for a season and we scatter for a lifetime. If you meet a thousand people in a month, you might have one that you even talk to in a few months.
If you add to the problem that many of your close friends and family is over 8,000 miles away and 13 time zones behind you, it can cause problems with connecting with people that you can trust to open up about life’s problems.
The struggle is real and it is part of being human!
My struggle is more complex
As someone who has a seizure disorder, I can be somewhat touchy with it comes to opinion. It has social issues as well as physical ones connected to it. I can be fine now and in ten minutes, be having a seizure.
There is so many misunderstanding about having Epilepsy that is not even funny. Because of this, some people can make some very uncalled for comments about something that is very touchy to the person to start with.
Making sure depression does not come on me is something I have to watch for daily and kick in the butt if it does show up.